Last Updated: February 2026
A step-by-step guide to help parents understand the custody process, organize their case, and make informed decisions, written from a forensic psychology perspective, not a legal one.
Child custody litigation is among the most emotionally demanding legal processes a person can face. Understanding the basic structure of how courts make custody decisions, and what to realistically expect, can reduce anxiety and help parents engage more effectively with their legal team.
Courts in every U.S. state use some version of a "best interests of the child" standard. While the specific factors vary by jurisdiction, courts generally consider:
Consult your attorney for the specific factors in your jurisdiction.
Custody litigation is rarely quick. High-conflict cases can span months or years, involve multiple hearings, and cost significantly more than anticipated, financially and emotionally. Understanding this reality from the outset allows parents to pace themselves and make strategic decisions rather than reactive ones.
The goal is not simply to "win" a hearing. It is to demonstrate, consistently and credibly, that you are a stable, child-focused parent throughout the entire process.
In high-conflict custody cases, documentation is often the difference between claims that are believed and claims that are dismissed. Courts deal with conflicting accounts constantly. Objective, timestamped records give your attorney something concrete to work with.
Your attorney is your legal advocate. But even the best family law attorney can only work effectively with what you give them. Being an organized, honest, and focused client is one of the most impactful things a parent can do during litigation.
Attorneys cannot effectively represent clients they do not fully understand. This means:
In contested custody cases, the court may order a forensic custody evaluation. A neutral evaluator, typically a licensed psychologist, interviews both parents, the children, and collateral contacts, and may administer psychological testing. The resulting report carries significant weight with the court.
Custody evaluators are assessing the overall parenting picture, not looking for a "winner." They typically examine:
Not all custody evaluations are conducted with equal rigor. Methodological errors, untested assumptions, or evaluator bias can significantly affect the outcome. If you or your attorney believe the evaluation has significant problems, options may include:
This is an area where Dr. Tolbert's forensic psychology background is particularly relevant. Review of evaluation methodology, identification of bias, and litigation support are central to her consulting work with attorneys. Discuss options with your attorney before taking any action regarding an evaluation.
High-conflict custody litigation is profoundly stressful. The emotional toll, including grief, fear, anger, financial pressure, and uncertainty about your children, is real and serious. Neglecting your own wellbeing does not serve your children or your case. Managing yourself effectively is not a luxury; it is a strategic necessity.
Parents in high-conflict custody cases commonly experience:
These responses are understandable. They are also manageable, with the right support.
Parents sometimes confuse the role of a treating therapist with that of a forensic psychology consultant. These are distinct, and the distinction matters:
Both types of support may be appropriate, but they serve different purposes and should not be confused with one another.
Dr. Kristin Tolbert is a Florida-licensed forensic psychologist with extensive experience in high-conflict child custody cases. She is qualified in Florida, Maryland, Nevada, California, and Alaska. Her work with families focuses on understanding and explaining the psychological dynamics of complex custody disputes, not providing legal advice or psychotherapy.
Dr. Tolbert reviews the materials from a family's case, including communications, evaluations, reports, and other records, and provides a psychological analysis of the dynamics at play. This helps families and their attorneys understand what is happening and why.
This service does not create a psychotherapist-patient relationship. Consultation is not therapy.
High-conflict cases often require specialized experts: forensic evaluators, parenting coordinators, child therapists experienced with alienation, or other professionals. Dr. Tolbert can help families identify what type of expert may be appropriate for their situation and connect them with qualified professionals.
Personality disorders, trauma responses, alienation patterns, and coercive control dynamics can be difficult for parents, and sometimes for courts, to understand without expert framing. Dr. Tolbert helps families make sense of what they are experiencing from a psychological perspective.
Initial consultations allow Dr. Tolbert to assess whether and how she can assist with a given situation. Families are encouraged to involve their attorney in the consultation process when possible, as the most effective forensic support typically works in coordination with legal counsel.
Not every custody case requires forensic psychology involvement. However, certain case characteristics significantly increase the complexity of the psychological dynamics at stake, and suggest that specialized expertise may be valuable.
If you believe the other parent has narcissistic, borderline, or antisocial traits that significantly affect parenting and litigation behavior, a forensic psychologist can help identify and articulate those patterns in ways that are credible to the court.
If you observe a systematic effort to damage your children's relationship with you, including badmouthing, limiting contact, and creating fear or loyalty conflicts, forensic analysis of the pattern may be critical to the court's understanding.
If the court-ordered custody evaluation appears to have missed critical dynamics, contained methodological errors, relied on unvalidated procedures, or reflected bias, a forensic psychology consultant can review the evaluation and advise your attorney on vulnerabilities.
Cases involving coercive control, intimidation, or domestic violence benefit from expert framing. These dynamics are often misread by evaluators or courts who lack specialized training in the area.
Family law attorneys are legal experts, not psychological ones. When the key issues in a case turn heavily on psychological dynamics, including personality, trauma, and manipulation patterns, a forensic psychology consultant can bridge the gap between clinical reality and legal strategy.
If you feel that courts, evaluators, or other professionals consistently misread your behavior, interpreting your reasonable responses as instability or being taken in by the other parent's impression management, forensic consultation can help identify why and how to address it.
If one or more of these situations applies to your case, the first step is a consultation with Dr. Tolbert. During an initial consultation, she will:
The consultation does not commit you to further services, does not create a psychotherapist-patient relationship, and is governed by Dr. Tolbert's standard consulting engagement terms. Rate: engagement terms discussed during case review.
Schedule a ConsultationA forensic psychologist operates in the legal context, analyzing case materials, providing expert opinions, consulting with attorneys, and potentially testifying in court. A treating therapist provides ongoing mental health care and owes a therapeutic duty to the client. No psychotherapist-patient privilege applies to forensic consultation. Both roles may be appropriate in a complex custody case, but they serve distinct purposes and should not be confused.
Coaching children on what to say to an evaluator is one of the most damaging things a parent can do. Evaluators are specifically trained to detect it, and it reflects extremely poorly on the coaching parent. What is appropriate is reassuring children that they are not in trouble, explaining in age-appropriate terms that someone will be talking with them to understand their family, and encouraging them to be honest. Children should be told they can say whatever they truly feel. Their experience of that permission, not scripted answers, is what evaluators are looking for.
Documentation is valuable regardless of whether a case goes to trial. It supports your attorney in negotiations, provides the basis for custody evaluator review, helps establish patterns that inform temporary orders, and creates a record if circumstances change and modification proceedings are needed in the future. Good documentation habits established early protect parents throughout the life of a custody dispute, which, in high-conflict cases, can span many years.
Yes. While forensic psychology consulting is most effective when coordinated with legal counsel, Dr. Tolbert can work with families at any stage of the process, including those who are still assessing their situation or have not yet retained an attorney. An initial consultation can help families understand the psychological dimensions of their situation and the types of professional support that may be beneficial before making decisions about legal representation.
Dr. Tolbert is a licensed psychologist, not an attorney. This guide is educational only and does not constitute legal advice. Consultation does not create a psychotherapist-patient relationship. No psychotherapist-patient privilege applies to forensic consulting engagements. Always work with a qualified family law attorney for legal matters specific to your jurisdiction and situation. The information in this guide is general in nature and may not reflect the laws or procedures in your state.